Last week the GOP unveiled it "Pledge to America." Since not everybody speaks fluent "Republicese" I translated it for youWell, the Republican Party unveiled its "Pledge to America" last week, which followed the format of their 1994 "Contract With America" that swept them into the House. Like a washed-up musician trying to recapture his past hits, the Republicans are recycling the same old tired riffs, hoping their fans will still buy them. Considering they totally failed to implement what they promised in 1994 even though they controlled the House, Senate and Presidency for eight years, that's pretty sad.
But here they are again, with their new promises that sound suspiciously like the same old policies that drove America to the precipice of depression and has immersed us in multiple wars after eight years of Republican rule. To paraphrase President Obama, they drove the car into the ditch and now they want us to give them back the keys.
In recent years the GOP has gotten really good at code talking to their right-wing constituency. Happily, coming from a mixed political family I speak fluent "Republicese," so let me translate their "Pledge to America" into plain English for everybody.
“Dear America:
Our Great Nation is in trouble. The failed policies of out-of-touch elites have brought the country to the verge of bankruptcy and left us deeply divided. Therefore, to help us out of the hole we're in, we solemnly pledge the following:
1) Continued tax cuts for the Rich.
2) Zero oversight and regulation of Big Business.
3) Continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and "shadow wars" fought by mercenaries in Pakistan and Yemen. We promise war with Iran.
4) Not to prosecute corporate crime or financial misconduct.
5) Give banks free reign to hold on to bailout money and not lend it.
6) Not to rest until we destroy all labor unions.
7) Gut every environmental regulation so our energy companies can render our water undrinkable and our land uninhabitable. We will block every "Green" legislation. Global Warming doesn't exist.
8) Continue to appeal to people's baser instincts - their religious, ethnic and socioeconomic prejudices - and keep America divided so we can prevail.
9) Block any Democratic legislation - no matter what it is and regardless to whether the people will benefit. We promise to introduce ever more draconian, Right-wing legislation - because we believe in less government.
10) Above all, we pledge not to rest until the Negro President and every single one of his policies has been vanquished, and the inhabitant of the White House has been returned to its proper color.
Signed, The Republican Party
P.S. It's what we've always done.”
Our Great Nation is in trouble. The failed policies of out-of-touch elites have brought the country to the verge of bankruptcy and left us deeply divided. Therefore, to help us out of the hole we're in, we solemnly pledge the following:
1) Continued tax cuts for the Rich.
2) Zero oversight and regulation of Big Business.
3) Continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and "shadow wars" fought by mercenaries in Pakistan and Yemen. We promise war with Iran.
4) Not to prosecute corporate crime or financial misconduct.
5) Give banks free reign to hold on to bailout money and not lend it.
6) Not to rest until we destroy all labor unions.
7) Gut every environmental regulation so our energy companies can render our water undrinkable and our land uninhabitable. We will block every "Green" legislation. Global Warming doesn't exist.
8) Continue to appeal to people's baser instincts - their religious, ethnic and socioeconomic prejudices - and keep America divided so we can prevail.
9) Block any Democratic legislation - no matter what it is and regardless to whether the people will benefit. We promise to introduce ever more draconian, Right-wing legislation - because we believe in less government.
10) Above all, we pledge not to rest until the Negro President and every single one of his policies has been vanquished, and the inhabitant of the White House has been returned to its proper color.
Signed, The Republican Party
P.S. It's what we've always done.”
If I could sell my soul to the Devil to sing like any one male artist, it would be Michael McDonald!
